39 weeks 3 days

As I sit here with 4 days until my due date it is hard to imagine how you can love someone so much that you've never met.

 Maybe it's because they have been with you everyday for the last nine months, or that you felt them move for the first time or hiccup daily, or maybe it's that you've heard their tiny heartbeat grow stronger and stronger throughout the last nine months. But, whatever the reason, you simply love and adore them unconditionally. I've gotten to know his individual personality and how he gets annoyed when he gets the hiccups. He doesn't like it when I lay on my back because it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't like when the elastic on the waist of my maternity pants intrude on his space and will push against it until I adjust them.

As my pregnancy comes to an end its truly a bittersweet time for me. Trying so hard for the last 10 years to have another child only to have nothing but disappointment shows me there are such things as miracles, they just happen when you least expect them. As much as I am ready to have my body back and be free from the burning hips and bruised feeling along my pelvis, the ache and numbness from pregnancy induced carpel tunnel in both hands and arms, more frequent than not bathroom breaks, tossing and turning all night because I can't get comfortable, perpetual heartburn, and inability to sit, walk, or stand for long because of intense pressure, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I would do it all again for either of my kids, even the one that I lost too soon. I guess that's what it's all about to be a mom.

So, this Christmas my wish is for everyone to believe in miracles. They may be big or little, but they are real. I will make this wish on Christmas day while I'm holding MY little miracle in my arms.

37 week 2 days

I am getting miserable!

I went in yesterday for my weekly appt. and my ultrasound. Since my belly has consistently been measuring 4 weeks bigger since week 25 or so. They wanted to get an estimate of his weight. According to the size of his head, abdomen and femur, he is right around 7lbs 4oz., which puts him in the 78th percentile for age. However, ultrasounds are not the most accurate when it comes to determining weight. Therefore he could be a pound (give or take) in either direction of that. They also found my amniotic fluid to be higher than normal, which is another reason I could be measuring larger. I have gained a total of 30 pounds and 3 of that was just last week, but since I am a little puffy, they think most of that is water retention.

So....the wait continues. We will see if Gavin makes his presence before or after his due date. I am really hoping it's not until after Thanksgiving so I'm trying to hold out for atleast another 2 weeks......UGH!

Week 36

With just under a month left to go, (or 29 days, but who's counting!), I can't help but think how fast this pregnancy really went. With Karlie it seemed to go on for years, of course I wasn't working and went in her room to re-arrange things daily. This time I worked up until 34 weeks so those 34 weeks flew by as I was occupied with "stuff". Now that I have weekly Dr's appointments its nice to be off work so I can schedule those whenever I want.

I will admit as much as I am trying to treasure every moment since this baby boy's life started, I am anxious to be able to put on my pants without pelvic pain when I lift one leg, or back pain when I roll over at night to the other side. But most of all I miss uninterrupted sleep because my arms constantly fall asleep. Even as I sit here and type this my right hand is numb because I have to rest it up right towards the keyboard. When I'm not typing I have to point it down to the ground so the blood runs back to my fingertips.

Tomorrow is my 36 week Dr. appt. and I am hoping he does an ultrasound soon to see how big Gavin might be.

4 weeks left!! I am READY!

Week 34!

Well, work ended a week earlier than expected and it honestly couldn't have come at a better time. I got the head/chest cold that creeped up so fast on me i thought my head would start spinning. I'm now on day 5 and I'm feeling way better even than I was this morning. I had my baby shower this last weekend and got so many amazing gifts. A bunch of clothes, gift cards, blankets, diapers, wipes, hooded towels, a breast pump......I could go on. It really was an awesome day and it was incredible spending it with my family and friends.

It's hard to believe I am in the last 5-6 weeks of my pregnancy already. It really did fly by. I had my 34 week appt. today and I am still measuring 4 weeks big. So in about 3 weeks we will be having another ultrasound to get an estimate of how big Gavin is. I have a feeling he will be a little early because of the pressure and position he is in. I have finally finished washing and putting away most everything I got from my shower, and nesting is already starting. I am getting so eager to meet this little boy. As much as I love carrying him around and helping him grow everyday I am also eager to get my body back. Putting on my socks, laying/sitting down without my arms falling asleep....it's the little things that are missed. But then again it took 10 years of infertility, waiting and waiting for this baby that I will suffer for another 9 months if I had to.

It will all be worth it in the end. And when I am holding my beautiful boy I will forget all about the aches and pains. Looking back at how fast Karlie grew up it makes me want to embrace every moment, every second, every blink of an eye because they don't stay little for long. That is something I was always told but never fully understood until Karlie turned 10. And then it became clear that the previous 10 years were gone. I would never have the chance to do any of it over again with her. So this time, I want to take every minute I can and make the most with my kids, no matter the time of day, the cost or any other petty detail.

I want to enjoy every last second of his birth, infancy, and even terrible toddler years. Now I just need my baby boy!

Week 32- MIA

Holy Balls, I cannot even believe I have missed 6 weeks of updates. That shows how fast the time has been flying for me. between work, school, Dr. appt.'s and homeschooling a 12 year old, I'm at my limit! I have 11 days of work left and I am so ready to have some down time! I still have a lot to do before Gavin makes his appearance and I am very much looking forward to my baby show this weekend. I still have quite a bit left to get but just haven't had the time or energy to finish up.

Things are going very well pregnancy wise. I have been measuring 4 weeks bigger for the last month. I go in every 2 weeks now and that really makes time fly. I only have about 7 weeks left, but have a strong feeling he's going to come around Thanksgiving or shortly after. As soon as I am done with work I will have more time to spend updating here. Right now, I am so busy and tired all the time because I sleep so bad!

26 weeks

I did it again, missed another update. Guess my updates are more like every 2 weeks. I have been having a very hard time sleeping, I can't get comfortable and when I do my arms and hands fall asleep. So I was up at 4:30 this morning. Gavin usually starts wiggling around at 3am and it wakes me up. I can't wait till he gets the hiccups. Karlie had them at least once a day and it was so cool. His stoller and car seat came Wednesday and I love it. I have never bought any Saftey 1st products so I was a little leary, but it went together easy and it's pretty nice. I have always bought Graco stuff. Yesterday his Simmons baby mattress came so now I am going to wait to see what I get at my baby shower and then I will finish up my shopping. I just need to get a rocking chair and a night stand for a lamp and his room will be done. I will post a picture when its complete. In 4 more days I will only have 12 weeks left! That is crazy. I am ready though. Being pregnant this time around has been very stressful and harder on my body than it was 12 years ago. I can only hope my delivery goes quick. Happy holiday weekend!

Week 24- Time is flying!

Had my 24 week appointment today. Everything went great. His heart beat was good and he measured on target. Only one more appointment and then I start going in every 2 weeks! CRAZY! After my appointment on the 9th, the months will start flying by, not that they aren't already. I am so ready to meet my little man. I'm ready to kiss his cheeks and tiny fingers. Gavin is about 13 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds. I have gained 12 pounds total, not too bad I don't think. My goal is under 30 pounds, I am over halfway done with my pregnancy and I haven't even gained half my goal. I think if I really start watching my sugar and carbs and adding in an evening walk, I can make my goal.  The last couple months of pregnancy is when you gain the most, so I feel good about it.

I'm still really hoping I can breastfeed. We started buying a pack of diapers everytime we go grocery shopping so we can stock up through the winter months, especially when I'm not working. So If I can breastfeed, that will save us even more money. I can't believe how expensive formula is! It's been 11 years since we have had to buy it and MAN it's amazing. Here is a picture of my Bebe bump taken at 6 months. It's getting big!!

Week 22! The weeks are flying!

So, I think I have figured out why this pregnancy is moving along so much faster than it did with my daughter. I'M WORKING! With Karlie I didn't work, I stayed at home and randomly watched my nephews and a friends boys. Now, I am at work from 8-4 and the days have litterally been flying by! Gavin's crib is done and his armour is done. We are doing a surf themed room, which has been a bigger challange than I care to admit. I think I may end up making the bedding just because I haven't found any I like. I really want to paint his room, but I want to wait until I get his bed set so I can make sure the paint matches good.  Here is a picture of the crib, we went with black, but now I kinda wish we went with white since we are doing the surf theme....oh well!

Gavin has been moving like crazy and I can tell he has changed positions because I am feeling kicks in new areas. Hopefully by the end of the month I will have his bedroom set ordered or finished. 18 weeks to go!!

Week 20-Ultrasound

On Wednesday, July 20th we had our ultrasound to check the baby and make sure everything looked good. We found out we are having a BOY!!! We are so excited! His name will be Gavin Anthony. He was moving so much the US tech could hardly get pictures. We got a couple face pictures and right when she changed it to 3D, he turned against my pelvis and hid his head, so we didn't get to see his face in 3D, I was so bummed! But we did get a very clear picture that he is a boy and confirmed he has boy bits. She said everything that she could see looked great. I am already in love!! He weighes approximatly 12 oz. and is about 10.5 inches long.

So far things are going great, I go in to see my Dr. on monday so he can examine me and tell me about how the US looked. We are hoping to get the armoire in his room this weekend. I already bought a few boy clothes, just because I had to!!! I think I found his going home outfit from the hopital. Hope you all have a great weekend! Update next wed.....

19 weeks- 10 inches long!!

So today I am officially 19 weeks. The baby is 10 inches from head to toe!! WHAT!? Crazy.....It literally feels like the weeks are flying by. I feel like I just did a blog update a couple days ago. Things are starting to get very real for me. I am starting to worry about financial planning and making sure we pay as much of our debt down ans we possibly can before I jeave me job. However, I have been offered to do some at-home stuff for a Little extra money, so I may take that on, but I just don't want to commit to anything more than 15 hours a week just because I will also be juggling school and a 12 year old who will be home schooled AND, lets not forget, the newborn!

Soo, that's about all for this week. OH! We got the crib sanded and hopefully this weekend we will get it stained......taking our time as you can tell!

G'nite

Week 18- sweet potato

So once again, I am posting a day early. Tomorrow I will be 18 weeks! Cannot believe it. Its starting to feel real now. It's just so hard trying for so many years and seeing countless negative pregnancy tests and being told you won't have anymore kids....AND believing it. It feels like I will wake up and the last 3 months will all be a dream.

We went to an amusement park for the fourth. Went to the water park and spent half the say swimming in the lazy river and the wave pool. It was weird feeling my belly underwater. I can tell the small changes in it and how hard it is getting. I am still carrying pretty low, which I don't remember doing with my daughter. I'm not sure how that can determine the gender since it all just depends on where the egg attaches to your uterus.....we will find out in 15 days! two weeks from tomorrow and I am getting more and more impatient as the days go on. Now that we have definitely decided on our names, our newest conflict is choosing what to do the baby's room in. I would like to do it in a sports theme if it's a boy and the husband wants to so something outrageous and difficult like motorcycles, or skateboards or classic cars. The girls room will be way easier than the boys!

That's it! I am enjoying the last day of my 4 day weekend. I have 4 vacation days I need to use up before I leave in November. I think I am going to take two four day weekends in September to use them up...we'll see!

Week 17- my little onion

So, it's a day early, but i figured, what the heck! The baby should be the size of an onion, it was an avacado last week. 22 more days until we find out what we are having. My husband is now having second thoughts on our boy name...GRRR! So frustrating that we can't decide on a name. I have been sick since last Thursday...no fun at all. Started with a sore throat, then went into a head cold and migrated to my chest. Pretty sure I have a sinus infection. I LOVE Nedi pots and I went today to get some more solution packets. Hater doing it, but love the immediate relief. I am going to do another treatment before I go to bed and then again before I go to work tomorrow. My doctor put me on Blood pressure meds. I have been putting it off for about 6 years, maybe more.....figured it was time.

I honestly can't wait to be a SAHM again. This time will be totally different because I am continuing school online and I will have my daughter who starts middle school this fall, but she is being home schooled. I wish we could get moved before the baby comes because I really don't want to spend another winter here. It would also be a lot easier moving before the baby comes, however moving from Idaho to Nevada will be quite a move!

After we find out what we are having we can start painting the room and actually buying stuff! We cleaned out our extra bedroom so after the 20th we can start putting it together.

Hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend!

HOLY MOLY! Week 16!!!

I can't believe I've missed an update two weeks in a row! Week 14 went great and fast! And I believe I felt the first movements, although very light, they were felt none-the-less. Week 15 went just as well and fast!! In other news names are officially picked....I repeat, names are officially picked!! Man, it was hard!! My husband and I battled for weeks and we finally have them picked....we find out what we are having July 20th and I cannot wait. I want to start buying stuff!! So, if it's a boy his name will be Gavin Joel, and if it's a girl, her name will be Jovie Monroe. I am totally and completely happy with those names because they are both unique, but not completely off the wall crazy. Gavin has always been a name that we both liked and Joel was a perfect fit because it went well with Gavin and it was short as a middle name. Jovie was the name of Will Ferrells girlfriend in the move Elf and I always loved it; monroe is, of course a classic that I have always loved as well.

We have managed to find some awesome finds so far on baby stuff. I found a brand new pack-n-play with the changing area and newborn bassinette for $45, a baby bouncer seat for $5 and a swing for $7. I also got a FREE 3 in one crib that converts to a toddler bed and then to a twin bed. A FREE newer infant car seat that just needed to be washed (although it will be our secondary seat), a FREE infant toy set that they lay underneath AND a shopping cart cover for $12! The crib is a honey wood color and just needs to be sanded down and refinished, although I am going to stain it a bit darker. Now, I just need to know if we are having a Gavin or a Jovie!!

Week 13- My little lemon

Well, this is it. The last week of my first trimester. I've been feeling like somethings going to go wrong simply because up to this point everything has been so right. I keep reading stories about woman who go into labor at 20 or 22 weeks and the baby doesn't make it or another girl who thought she was 23 weeks along only to find out the baby died at 16 weeks. It's terrifying. I just have to maintain positive thoughts and have trust that things will be okay. I have another dr's appt. on the 23rd. Seems like I try to make it from appt. to appt, one month at a time. Considering what happened last time, I just keep anticipating something happening. However, I also have to remember I have made it a month longer than I did before.

I hope the next few months go by quick. I enjoy being pregnant and the satisfaction it gives me, since it took me so many years to become pregnant again but on the other hand it also comes with a lot of fear. I will be cutting back to working part time the end of Oct. and will officially be done working Nov. 23rd or so, which will be 2 weeks before my due date. (as long as they don't keep moving my due date up). Baby should be the size of a lemon now. I love how my weekly pregnancy update gives references to fruits.

I've been feeling really good, no issues what so ever. No nausea, however within the next few weeks I anticipate morning sickness to haunt me. About the 4th month is when I got it with my daughter.

That's it! Off to bed!

Week 12- New DUE DATE

I can't believe I am almost in my 2nd trimester! One more week to go. I had another Dr.'s appointment last Thursday. I ended up having another ultrasound because they couldnt find a heartbeat on the doppler. I remember them having problems finding a heartbeat with that when I was pregnant with my daughter. Everything looked good....heartbeat was 150 and the baby was moving all over! Kicking it's legs, arms, and at one point we saw a foot with little toes. It was adorable. I'm already in love!

They moved my due date up again to Dec. 7th. My doctor wants to put me on blood pressure meds because my BP is so high. Not wanting to, but really have no choice. I am feeling a slight baby bump and am expecting the next month to really start showing!

Week 11- Little lime

This week the baby is suppose to be the size of a lime. I cannot believe I am on my way to week 12. It felt like it would never come. I am getting anxious to find out what we are having. I would really like to have a boy, but either way as long as I have a healthy baby!! Thursday is my doctors appt. I'm not sure what they will do other than measure my belly and listen to the heartbeat. We started going through our tv room which is just our third bedroom we converted into a media type room. We won't completely convert it until October or so. That way we can utilize it until then.

I've felt really good the past few weeks, I haven't Had much nausea since I started taking my prenatal at bedtime. But, I remember with Karlie my morning sickness really didn't start until the 4th month. My clothes are tight.....I bought some maternity jeans and they are so comfortable. I'm so bloated its annoying! I definitely feel thicker.

I am approaching finals this week for school, so this week should fly by since they will keep me busy.

Week 10- My little prune :)

Other than the migraine that woke me up at 3am this morning, I am feeling pretty good. I left work early so I could come home and sleep. The migraine drained my energy! Another week and a half and I will be at another DR.'s appt. It will be my 12 week apt!! CRAAZY!

Still having lots of name issues.....we cannot agree on anything! I have also been thinking that a birthing center is just not for me. I feel a lot more at ease having the baby at a hospital. Theres just so much that could go wrong, not to mention they have pain management! We have a consultation on June 9th, at the birthing center and I think we might still go, but I'm just not convinced it is right for us. I'm fairly certain I could handle the pain if that was the only thing holding me back, but it's not. having peach of mind is a huge part of it.

I'm off to take a nap!!!

New plan- Operation 18 pounds

So....I am on a mission to gain minimally throughout this pregnancy. They told me at the doctors a couple weeks ago that they would only like to see me gain 3 pounds a month. That's 18 pounds (for the next 6 months). I gained 40 with my daughter and I am determined NOT to do that again. So I started counting calories, since I only need to add another 300 calories per day for my pregnancy. I am going for 1800/day and if I exercise I will add an additional 100-200cal. My goal is not to lose, my goal is to maintain. My doctor told me if I really watch it, I can lose a few and still have a healthy baby. Plus the weight will fly off afterwards. We will see! I am trying to stay away from sugar and starches. Everything else is allowed but in moderation.

I CAN DO THIS!!

I really want to try and breastfeed for at least the first 6 weeks after the baby comes. I wasn't able to breastfeed my daughter because she wouldn't latch on. Then after that 6 weeks, I am going to start HCG again.

So far that's my plan anyways!

Week 9! I think we now have a grape.

Friday was officially my 9th week.

I purchased my first "baby" things today. It was really exciting. I was on Baby's R us.com last night for an hour checking out all of the things they have for babies now. 12 years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter, they had nothing quite as cool as the things they have today. Some of my favorites are the Boppy pillow, the grocery cart cover that the kids sit in, and oh my, they have an abundance of swings and bouncers to choose from. I made note of a few I really liked. Then this morning we went to a neighborhood-wide garage sale and what did we come accross?? A baby bouncer and a swing! Actually the bouncer is the same one I was looking at last night online. Through Baby's R us, it was $45, at the garage sale, $5....and it looks brand new! I also found a swing that looks brand new for $8! So I got both for $13....CRAZY! They had a ton of baby clothes, but I'm not quite ready for that yet. Especially since we don't yet know what we are having.

I think we are going to find out though because we are pretty much starting over with buying new stuff. I have nothing left from when karlie was a baby. NOT ONE THING! According to my pregancy update the baby should be the size of a grape. Just a few more weeks of having that worried voice in my head, although I am feeling very good and hopefull. I don't think I will start prepping our tv room, which will be the nursery until October, so that we can still utilize it until then.

Week 8- Strong heartbeat!

Had my Dr.'s appt last Thursday and we were able to see what the doctor called a "very strong" heartbeat. I was elated! Not to mention baby measured 2 days bigger than my due date. Soo, my new due date is Dec. 9th. Plus, I got a call from the nurse at the doctors office today regarding my lab results and she said everything came back perfectly normal! YAY!

Just another week and a half (week 10) and I will be completely out of the danger zone. Most people say not until week 12, but I read after the 10th week their is only a 7% or less chance of losing the baby. I've felt really good the last 3 days and eager to plan. 8 more weeks and we can find out what we are having!!

Have a great week! Just wanted to give a quick update.

Week 7- My little blueberry

Tomorrow is my ultrasound.

Praying for a heartbeat.....I am so nervous and tense I just felt I needed to blog. I am exactly 7week and 3 days along. I keep going through the scenario in my head as to what happened last time there was no heartbeat. I miscarried on May 6th, 2009. I should have been almost 9 weeks along. I remember my reaction being quite numb and in denial about anything being wrong. I don't think it hit me for a few days after I really started processing the fact that I did in fact lose my baby.

As much as I want to believe it will be okay and stay positive, you never really know how you will take the news if something is wrong. It's amazing how many babies are born each year considering how delicate the process really is. I know I have done everything I can to help this pregnancy along, so if it doesn't turn out, I have to know I did what I could. Last time I didn't have the progesterone supplements available or even know about them. That research I did all on my own. And in all honesty don't think I would have gotten them this time unless I asked for them like I did.

I really wish doctors would treat PCOS pregnancies with a little more care and involvement. There are so many factors that can play a role in a healthy pregnancy and miscarriage, that it's a gamble. My lentil should now be the size of a blueberry. My husband is going with me to the ultrasound and I just know I am going to be a ball of nerves tomorrow morning. It's all I can think about.

If there is a heartbeat I will feel a ton better and actually be able to express my happiness instead of hold it inside. Even though I want to wait until at least the 12th week, given my history, I will definitely feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. If there is not a heartbeat, I will know I am carrying my lifeless child until my body decides to eliminate it. I think thats the hardest part. Still having the pregnancy symptoms, because the placenta is still thriving, but the embryo is lifeless.

I am really going to try to keep my hopes up with positive thoughts until tomorrow, but, a part of me just feels that if I don't get my hopes up and expect the worst, it won't hurt as bad.

Uunfortunately, it will.

HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!

My symptoms this week: Tender breasts, nausea, peeing a lot, bloating.

First trimester, Week 6- My little lentil

So far this week I am feeling very tired. By 7pm, I am exhausted! I am really hoping everything goes well during the next 2 weeks. I'm still very nervous and leery since last time, the baby stopped thriving at 6 weeks. I go in for my 2nd ultrasound on the 28th and will be praying for a heartbeat. It's hard not getting excited about something so amazing and miraculous. Part of me wants to prepare for the worst just so I am mentally prepared for the letdown. The other part of me, the motherly part, wants to plan and organize. But that's really hard to do with it being so early still.

It's been exactly 9 days since I took the pregnancy test and it really is amazing how much a little test can change your plans, outlook, and habits all at the same time. My symptoms are about the same, just more intense. I have to pee a lot, my boobs are so sore, I am hungry all the time, and I'm exhausted. This week the baby is the size of a lentil. Another week and a half and we will know for sure if this baby will make it. My doctor prescribed me a progesterone supplement so my body will sustain the pregnancy. Thank god I only have to take it until the 12th week because they are $4 a pill!!

Come on little lentil, stay strong for a few more weeks!!