Week 7- My little blueberry

Tomorrow is my ultrasound.

Praying for a heartbeat.....I am so nervous and tense I just felt I needed to blog. I am exactly 7week and 3 days along. I keep going through the scenario in my head as to what happened last time there was no heartbeat. I miscarried on May 6th, 2009. I should have been almost 9 weeks along. I remember my reaction being quite numb and in denial about anything being wrong. I don't think it hit me for a few days after I really started processing the fact that I did in fact lose my baby.

As much as I want to believe it will be okay and stay positive, you never really know how you will take the news if something is wrong. It's amazing how many babies are born each year considering how delicate the process really is. I know I have done everything I can to help this pregnancy along, so if it doesn't turn out, I have to know I did what I could. Last time I didn't have the progesterone supplements available or even know about them. That research I did all on my own. And in all honesty don't think I would have gotten them this time unless I asked for them like I did.

I really wish doctors would treat PCOS pregnancies with a little more care and involvement. There are so many factors that can play a role in a healthy pregnancy and miscarriage, that it's a gamble. My lentil should now be the size of a blueberry. My husband is going with me to the ultrasound and I just know I am going to be a ball of nerves tomorrow morning. It's all I can think about.

If there is a heartbeat I will feel a ton better and actually be able to express my happiness instead of hold it inside. Even though I want to wait until at least the 12th week, given my history, I will definitely feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. If there is not a heartbeat, I will know I am carrying my lifeless child until my body decides to eliminate it. I think thats the hardest part. Still having the pregnancy symptoms, because the placenta is still thriving, but the embryo is lifeless.

I am really going to try to keep my hopes up with positive thoughts until tomorrow, but, a part of me just feels that if I don't get my hopes up and expect the worst, it won't hurt as bad.

Uunfortunately, it will.

HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!

My symptoms this week: Tender breasts, nausea, peeing a lot, bloating.