Week 7- My little blueberry

Tomorrow is my ultrasound.

Praying for a heartbeat.....I am so nervous and tense I just felt I needed to blog. I am exactly 7week and 3 days along. I keep going through the scenario in my head as to what happened last time there was no heartbeat. I miscarried on May 6th, 2009. I should have been almost 9 weeks along. I remember my reaction being quite numb and in denial about anything being wrong. I don't think it hit me for a few days after I really started processing the fact that I did in fact lose my baby.

As much as I want to believe it will be okay and stay positive, you never really know how you will take the news if something is wrong. It's amazing how many babies are born each year considering how delicate the process really is. I know I have done everything I can to help this pregnancy along, so if it doesn't turn out, I have to know I did what I could. Last time I didn't have the progesterone supplements available or even know about them. That research I did all on my own. And in all honesty don't think I would have gotten them this time unless I asked for them like I did.

I really wish doctors would treat PCOS pregnancies with a little more care and involvement. There are so many factors that can play a role in a healthy pregnancy and miscarriage, that it's a gamble. My lentil should now be the size of a blueberry. My husband is going with me to the ultrasound and I just know I am going to be a ball of nerves tomorrow morning. It's all I can think about.

If there is a heartbeat I will feel a ton better and actually be able to express my happiness instead of hold it inside. Even though I want to wait until at least the 12th week, given my history, I will definitely feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. If there is not a heartbeat, I will know I am carrying my lifeless child until my body decides to eliminate it. I think thats the hardest part. Still having the pregnancy symptoms, because the placenta is still thriving, but the embryo is lifeless.

I am really going to try to keep my hopes up with positive thoughts until tomorrow, but, a part of me just feels that if I don't get my hopes up and expect the worst, it won't hurt as bad.

Uunfortunately, it will.

HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!HAPPY THOUGHTS!

My symptoms this week: Tender breasts, nausea, peeing a lot, bloating.

First trimester, Week 6- My little lentil

So far this week I am feeling very tired. By 7pm, I am exhausted! I am really hoping everything goes well during the next 2 weeks. I'm still very nervous and leery since last time, the baby stopped thriving at 6 weeks. I go in for my 2nd ultrasound on the 28th and will be praying for a heartbeat. It's hard not getting excited about something so amazing and miraculous. Part of me wants to prepare for the worst just so I am mentally prepared for the letdown. The other part of me, the motherly part, wants to plan and organize. But that's really hard to do with it being so early still.

It's been exactly 9 days since I took the pregnancy test and it really is amazing how much a little test can change your plans, outlook, and habits all at the same time. My symptoms are about the same, just more intense. I have to pee a lot, my boobs are so sore, I am hungry all the time, and I'm exhausted. This week the baby is the size of a lentil. Another week and a half and we will know for sure if this baby will make it. My doctor prescribed me a progesterone supplement so my body will sustain the pregnancy. Thank god I only have to take it until the 12th week because they are $4 a pill!!

Come on little lentil, stay strong for a few more weeks!!